The Kop over floweth!

Greetings Armchair sportsfans!

Well the first silverware of the season has been won and we ask ourselves...who gives a monkeys?

The Koppites will argue that a trophy of any kind is reason to celebrate and in fairness they are right. There's nothing like polishing your rivals face with a shiny new ornament even if the gloss of a Carling Cup isn't as high as say a European one.

For new arrivals Downing, Carroll, Adam and Henderson this is the first taste of success and one which they probably would never had received at the former employees and definately not at international level. So we won't begrudge them this small mercy.

Yes the Carling Cup is more of a forth place medal these days but ask Wenger or AVB if they would've like to be on the Wembley steps yesterday and you'd lost a hand immediately.

In the context of the match itself Liverpool probably deserved to win. Much has been spoken of the guts and determination displayed by Mackay's Bluebirds but all the heart in the world means nothing if you can't score from 12 yards.

Despite the fact the game came down to a few inches eitherside of a post in the eventual shootout even the most ardent neutral felt sympathy for Gerrard...the not so famous one that is. Missing the vital spot kick is one thing but then being the cousin of the captain of the other mob, watching him lift the cup, gutting!

Perhaps he might find comfort in knowing Stevie G was also denied in the shootout...or at least until he recieves a moon pig card reminding him of it on his birthday.

'See you at Christmas cus'

Most disappointing was the fact that we all wanted Cardiff to win and those who didn't are either fibbers, scousers or morons. Or perhaps all of the above. We all love the underdog story, more so in Blighty than anywhere else. Every errant Liverpool kick was greeted with cheers of delight and Charlie Adam's with laughter.

Even the most ardent of Englishman with St. George tattoed across his chest and a BNP badge on their lapel (tracksuit) was willing the Welsh mob on in the hope of a fairytale ending. Instead we have to endure the gloating and self-gratification of Meyerside reds for just a little while.

Or worst we have to look at the smug look on King Kenny's face...for at least a week anyway?

Kenny hiding his delight wonderfully

We can only hope that Arsenal can repeat their performance in the North London derby yesterday at Anfield on Saturday. However, Arsenal being Arsenal they'll most likely revert to a bunch of over passing Nou Camp wannabes and lose in a mist of Wenger hissy fits.

Like Daglish, Wenger is also free to bask in the reflective glow of a performance that seldom comes around, not least in a derby game. It is one thing to have RVP wallop lesser sides single-handedly and altogether another to come from 2 down against a top side playing the style of football Wenger has strived for years to achieve.

You could almost feel something stirring under the Professors duffle coat with every sweeping move and crisp finish. Even if 'he didn't see it', no doubt he would've felt it.

'Sacre bleu, the coat does hide it well'

The balance of power in North London is probably very much in Spurs favour and they'll probably end up 3rd by seasons end so joy at the emirates will probably be short lived.

Truth is that Spurs deserve to finish third and if by some miracle Arsenal, Chelsea or Liverpool manage to overhaul them it'd be a product of the lilywhites own undoing.

Given the current performaces of English teams in top European competition then Tottenham could do no worse than be thrown into the mix.

Over the next 2 weeks the Armchair sportsman will be blogging from a land down under, where football rules and the ball is oval. Apologies for the truly shocking music parody.

See you on the other side of the globe armchair sportsfans!

You! Me! Press conference! Now!

Greetings Armchair sportsfans!

Last week in this blog we discussed how some of our modern day football players neglect to see how their lack of respect for the game, fans, fellow professionals and general social standards has led to the deteriation of game itself.

All of this leads to thinking that the theory of sportsmanship and/or elite sports people as rolemodels? I've never subscribed to the theory that people should look up to any athlete as their personal life coaches but the problem is that people do.

We all love to worship our heroes, to be inspiried by great feats of individual achievement and marvel at the unity of team spirit and commitment. The problem is all these admirable attributes happen on the field of play whereas outside of the sporting arena things change...usually for the worse.

Yes the modern media scrutinises our sporting world more than ever but if you're talented in your particular field then the trade off is that your actions off it will also be scrutinised. This is not a new phenomenon and yet this week has showed more ineptitude by so-called sportsmen (and I use the term very loosly).

Let's talk Tevez shall we. On Monday he claimed Mancini and City themselves had 'treated him like a dog'...how very perceptive and accurate of him. Rightly-bloody-so too as the comparisons between the two are uncanny.

If a dog craps inside his owners house, the owner will not just leave it festering on the floor. The dog will be punished, taught a lesson, chased out of the house by the infuriated owner and left to reflect on his wrong-doing.

'Sit Carlos...sit! Good boy'

Unfortunately for big clubs with big budgets that 'doggy-in-the-window' was too much for many to stump up for. Or perhaps it was the fact that after crapping on United's lawn and then repeating the feat on the neighbours this old dog can't just learn new tricks...he can't even take one.

Luckily for Senor Tevez he was overshadowed by the fight early Sunday morning in Munich, not a world title but more 'the biggest loser'.

Boxing was once an event that was watched by millions of people at times taking on the blue ribbon stature similar to say the men's 100m olympic final would. Nowadays a big fight commands only an additional fee on your cable subscription and the desire to stay up through interminable undercard bouts to witness a 2 or 3 round one-sided flop.

You can see why the general public has lost its faith in boxing. The pugalist of today seems more interested in how much purse they can generate from a fight rather than proving their ability against their opponent. This farcical side of boxing seems to be a western creation and perhaps its capitalism to blame instead?

Whatever the reason, the exploits of Messers Chisora and Haye on Sunday left us in no doubt that boxing and brain injury are inherently linked. The noble sport of boxing can do without these ill-mannered brutes and their entourage of burly gents in poorly tailored suits and gawdy tracksuits.

To be frank its like watching WWE wrestling with less personality. The scenes from Sunday could've easy been a throw back to the halcyon days of Hulk Hogan v Vince McMachon. Bottles and camera tripods...drop a cage over them and let 'em brain each even more senseless.

Haye and Chisora square up in Munich

Ok so the boxing greats of the past have had some public dust ups and banter to rival the best of them but times have changed.

You don't see the Klitschko brothers complaining about prizemoney, injuries or respect. Instead they concentrate training, technique and discipline and their reward is title belts around their waist.

Haye and Chisora get their stupid mugs all over the tabliods.

Perhaps we can go this week without someone making a twat of themselves???

Farewell sportsfans!

Harry Redknapp and the Poisoned Chalice

Greetings Armchair Sportsfans!

In the footballing world uncertainity, drama and beauty are a quintessential part of what makes the game so adored across the globe.

In English football these qualities are often left behind in the wake of inevitablity, stupidity and uglyness.

With it being the year of a major international tournament its was only a matter of time before England self-imploded. Normally they wait until the tournament has begun on a wave of expectation which is neither merited nor deserved, this time the FA and Fabio Capello did the job normally reserved for the players themselves.

Let's be honest here and by honest I mean completely biased and self-opininated. Despite his high win percentage record Capello has been an expensive experiment from the FA which has left everyone none the wiser in regards to which direction the national game is heading.

The FA appointed Capello with the view that he was a master tactician, a manager or men, someone able to control the various personalities within the squad. What the FA ended up with was a manager unable to adapt to the changing modern game or english language and eventually who couldn't wait to hit the eject button and jettison as far from Wembley as possible...on his own FA funded private jet no doubt?

Capello says his farewell to the FA

Opinion all around dictates that whoever replaces Capello in the job should be English...a sure fire plan that's worked before right?

Yes Harry Redknapp is the obvious choice to drink from the poison chalice. However the obvious choice is not always the correct one, just ask Keegan, Hoddle and that bloke with the brolly!

'Arry could do no wrong last week as the planets and stars all aligned at once. Reports suggested that the loos at Southwark Crown Court were blocked with nuggets of gold.

Midas touch 'Arry might just be worth a crack but not at the expense of his managerial reputation which as we know with an England side...will.

Spurs would be mad not to put up a huge fight to keep their man and 'Arry must think is it worth swapping his shiny golden squad for England...a turd that cannot be polished!

Oh lord...why me?

So who does that leave us with? The FA has stated they have a shortlist of candidates, which is FA speak for 'after Redknapp we haven't a fucking clue?'

Pardew, O'Neill, Curbishley, Mourino, Hiddink, Pearce??? Whoever the FA end up lumping with must at least be given the time to rebuild not only the team itself but also be able to dispose the inherit thoughts that England are better than they really are...toughest job in the world!

Capello's downfall came to numerous events over his troubled tenure but it was the uglyness of one topic which nailed his coffin shut, a topic which won't go away...racism.

Luis Suarez is a quality footballer, nobody is denying him that. But as a living, breathing human Suarez seems to have dived and writhed his way out of the shallow end of the gene pool.

Few can truly understand the pressures faced by any sports person at the elite level and thus we will often allow for some level of forgivness when they cross the lines of sportsmanship, morality, dignity and stupidity (often all at the same time).

However, we all have limits. Unfortuantely for the Uruguayan many of us followers have seen all we need to see. Remember this is a man with priors; deliberate handball in the World cup, multiple middle finger salutes and racsim. Oh and of course he bit another player...'lovely lad' as Kenny might say.

Sadly this isn't the worst aspect of Suarez's behaviour. Forget his history, the eight match ban, Ronaldo-esq acting, etc. Simply put the lad had the chance to repay his managers, team mates and clubs support by doing his sportsmanlike duty to make things right. But being Luis Suarez...he handled it with the same grace as he does when tackled fairly.

You're off my Christmas card list good sir!

Football will always have aspects that will upset and disappoint, cause anger and frustration. More often than not though it will bring us joy, elation, hope and importantly...perspective.

For this we thank Zambia today. After the week that has passed it felt as though the footballing gods had conspired against us. Only for the twinkling of fate Zambia uplifted us all and with their coach Herve Renard (the most beautiful man in the cosmos) to remind us all of the spirit of the game.

You can't help but smile at a team of players paid less than many of their illustrious opponents, in the same country of the tragic air crash of 1993 and coached by a man wearing jeans and an ill fitted open buttoned shirt.

What do you mean no denim?

With the will of a nation and the unity of the players it served as a timely reminded of how important attributes such as courage and heart can have within all fields of play.

Are you watching David Bernstein?

Goodnight sportsfans!

A Tale of Two Cisse's

Greetings armchair sports fans!

A frenzy of football lately, EPL, Six nations rugby all culminating in the 'greatest show on earth'! No P.T Barnum isn't in town; its the circus that is Superbowl XLVI (I'll pause if you need to remember your roman numerals).

As a spectator sport it's about as interesting a basketball, baseball, golf...basically anything America is half decent at. If a sport requires mammouth amounts of entertainment and distractions then surely there's something intrinsically wrong with it to begin with!

Still you can always make sure the half-time entertainment will be worth staying up late through hours of tedium....er...maybe not this year. I thought it was sweet of the NFL commission to show their diversity and shuffle old Madge onto the stage.

Madge thought the yanks would love her John Terry impersonation

To another oval ball shaped sport of which I know little about - rugby union. Six nations has come around again and with the national football side England are far more interesting off the pitch than on it.

They perform with similarity too; over-hyped, scrappy win and envitably not much to show at the end of it. Perhaps they should sack the captain, reinstate him, sack him again and then have the manager undermine the entire governing body???

Best piece of advice I can give is find the best price you can get on Les Blues and go for it! Enough said.

Back to proper football now.

Transfer window deadline day has been and gone without any of the excitment of last January. As usual most of the important moves were done and dusted well beforehand with only the R's doing any significant business.

Despite this the impact of some of the newbies has been nothing short of explosive! Mr Balotelli might be a bit concerned that Djibril Cisse may be seeking to claim his mantle of mercurial nut job. A debut goal midweek followed by a stupid red card that cost his team any hope of winning...maybe its got something to do with the tyre skid haircut?

Oi! Did you drive over my head?

Another Cisse made the headlines for the right reasons this time. With Senegal making an early exit from the African Cup of Nations this week Alan Pardew was able to unlease his new Demba-demba strike force.

While we're all aware of the exploits of Demba Ba this season his national team mate Papiss Cisse was a bit of an unknow quantity until his lashed an unstoppable half-volley into the top corner.

 Mike Ashley must be sitting in his plush seat at the Sports Direct Arena (shocking, shocking name) smiling smugly and thinking this Premier league ownership malarky is a doddle!

He sacked the last manager for no real reason, turned the iconic stadium into a laughing stock and yet he has a decent squad, an astute manager and just one point off a champions league spot.

In fact the North-East is on fire at present as the Sunderland revival under Martin O'Neill sees no sign of relenting. O'Neill may not have the same financial muscle or squad as his Tyneside neighbours but he doesn't half have them playing above and beyond.

His superman style transformation of reminisent of the mild-mannered man himself. Outside of football he could be a devout catholic Ulsterman working at a small town accountancy firm. When on the touchline he turns into a tremendously intense football manager who just looks like a devout catholic Ulsterman accoutant.

Martin just worked out Harry Redknapp's tax evasion problems

England's cricketers continue to have a nice little holiday in Dubai by losing test matches within the full five days. When Monty Panaser is your best player (he didn't even play the first test) then you know its not goign well.

The fallout from the lastest England debacle has begun. Can we just play our three group matches and go somewhere warm until next season starts?

For starters John Terry shouldn't even be in the team let alone allowed to be captain...again. Aside from his long list of indiscretions he just isn't good enough to be in the team for mine.

As for Capello...well there's just too much for this blog.

Goodnight sportsfans!